Wednesday, July 13, 2011

LeTtErS

Sometimes you got to vent. Or you just have to express yourself in some way. I had been thinking lately (I know hard to believe) about how I sometimes just want to tell people "what for". Well I got to thinking the nice way to do it is to write letters. So this are samples of a few letters I would write...enjoy.
Dear M&M Company,

You make me mad. I love majority of your products and I do happen to purchase them. Well one time many years ago, you brought to life an amazing candy. You would know these as Crispy M&M's. I know them as "pure heaven. Well, one day you decided to be little jerks and take that treat away from America. It literally was like taking candy from a baby. Well see I got real serious feelings about this and actually did email you...you responded by saying you no longer sell that product. Um, hello? I know that! Isn't that why I took the time to email you in the first place?? Dur de dur! For now, I will go on my way hoping one day you will bring it back, till than..know we aren't that good of friends anymore.

Sincerely, Crispy Lover

Next letter of business:

Dear Douche bag,

Not literally. No I mean men. Not all men. Just the douche bags. The one's who think they have power over anything that looks like or acts like a female. The one's who waltz through life thinking the own the world. Or thinking they are gods gifts to the world. You know who are! Example 1: to the boy in 7th grade who thought it was cool and "okay" to call me an F*cking C*nt. Ooh yes. Please don't think I regret kicking you straight in the ball sack and pulling out your hair. You deserved it. Example 2: To any lovely man who calls a woman fat, ugly, stupid, b*tch, or anything that tears her self esteem down, just know you will be judged for calling one of gods precious daughters that. I may have a specific man in mind but he won't be named. You may have took a person close to me at her lowest and made lots of tears and pain in her life. But just know now she is so much stronger than you and you didn't deserve her. Amen. Example 3: To any human being that kidnaps, rapes, or hurts any body on this earth. Go to hell.

Sincerly, Your biggest nightmare

A little crazy but it needed to be said.
Dear Celine Dion,

Um hi! Your gorgeous and beautiful and I LOVE YOU!! SO much! I really think you need to come visit me in Utah. Ya that would be great. We would have a lot of fun and we could talk about your kids. We could sing songs. We could also discuss how you have a rockin body, cause you do. We could talk about how each of our husbands are significantly older. It could be fun. But in all seriousness. I am your biggest fan. Enough said.

Jenessa Frahm

Thanks for listening! :)

6 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. Ummm why do I sense hostility and anger? Maybe you need to talk to Celine about how to manage this.
    I don't think you should be writing letters anytime soon. Go read your scriptures!

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  3. listen lady im sending you a letter

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  4. Oh Jen, You are hilarious! I'm glad we are sisters. The End.

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  5. HAHA Jen you have word vomit almost as bad as I do! Gosh I love you... even when your a hater! Love you most;) haha

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  6. This cracks me up, but I also agree with the anger parts. I loved those Crispy M&M's too, pretty upset when I found that out, also. I also agree with the douche bag comment, but for both genders. I've seen it go both ways, either way it's so sad that someone would be demeaned so much by someone who hated themselves so much they have to belittle everyone. Good for you for sticking up for yourself and thanks for sharing your rant!

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