Maui, Hawaii

Well since my last post was such a downer, here is a MUCH happier post.

We have been back almost a week and its such a sad reality to come back to. I have to focus on real life now, and who wants that?! There is so much I could post about Hawaii but I am going to try to break it down into a few pics from the day with Highlights and Lowlights

Day 1- Tuesday, February 2

This was pretty much a day of travel and eating haha

Highlights: 

The anticipation of Hawaii

Our first Shave Ice in Hawaii

Getting upgraded to First Class

We ate at "Da Kitchen" which was authentic Hawaiian food

Lowlights:

Waking up at 4 am for our plane

Our tickets were lost and our reservation for the plane was gone

Day 2- February 3

We went on a boat tour at Sunrise and got to go to a Private Beach. Where we could snorkle, lay out, and play beach Volleyball. They fed us delightful food and then took us whale/dolphin watching. We finished the day at Cheeseburgers in Paradise which was average. haha

Highlights:

The weather

Snorkeling for the first time

Seeing over 100 Dolphins

Beautiful Private Beach

Lowlights:

Getting sea sick and losing my lunch over the back of the boat

Drinking Ginger Root

Pictures of me in a bathing Suit?

Burning and not tanning

Day 3- Thursday

Today was relaxing day, all the guys (except Jake) went scuba diving. Us girls worked out by the pool. Then we all went and beach bummed it all day. Ate dinner at Hula Grill.

Highlights:

A day at the beach all day

My hoots in that swimsuit

First taste of the drink Lava Flow (pina coloda with fresh strawberry mix)

First taste of Hula Pie mmm

Lowlights:

Family drama that night

(too much hormones)

Having to hash out said family drama haha

Day 4- Friday (My parent's anniversary)

We hiked to blowhole, which was incredible. Went home and got all glam to take family pics on the beach. Followed by celebrating my parents 33rd anniversary at Leilani's.

Highlights:

Blowhole

family making "blowhole" jokes

Sightseeing

Gorg family pics

Melt in your mouth steak from Leilanis

Incredible dessert

Lowlights: 

Squatting to pee at Blowhole

Almost dying at Blowhole

the word blowhole

Fighting over what to wear at family pictures

hating my makeup that day

Day 5- Saturday

This was an all beach day. We had a friend tell us about this beach that only locals really go to.

We ate that night at Bubba Gump's.

Highlights:

Slaughterhouse beach

This was my fav swimsuit haha

Amy's swimsuit top coming off LMAO

Breakfast at Gazebo (HOLY BALLS)

Lowlights:

Dinner at Bubba Gumps (worst food of whole trip)

I never got any dessert that night wahh

Getting sunburned

Day 6- Superbowl Sunday

Today was all about Rest, Relax, and FOOTBALL.

Highlights:

Attending Church in Hawaii

Gorgeous Rainbow

Broncos Winning

FOOD

Lowlights:

Not doing anything cause Jake was sick

Taking 3 diff trips to grocery stores for food

Day 7- Monday

One of the longest days ever. But the sights were PHENOMENAL.

We drove the Road to Hana. Lunch at Bruddah's BBQ and Dinner at Cool Cats

Highlights:

Driving back country

Breathtaking sights

Dinner at Cool Cats (amaze ball burgers)

Lowlights:

Long ASS drive

HORMONES BAD

Driving in a mother *%#@#$! Mini Van

Black Sand Beach was not a chill beach

Went an hour in to only turn around get gas and do the same drive again

Not stopping at more sights

Day 8- Tuesday (last day)

We packed up and dropped our stuff in storage. Then headed to breakfast at Plantation.

First went to Napili Beach, then back to our regular beach. Had our "Last Supper" at Hula Grill, 

flew out at 10:50 that night.

Highlights:

Plantation Banana Bread

Our Regular Beach

Getting to read 2 different books on my trip

More Hula Pie

Hula Grill Fish and Chips

Lowlights:

Jake not buying me a Towel :(

Saying goodbye to our gorgeous house

Last day on the Beach

Napili Beach

The Bitchy couple behind us on the beach

Saying goodbye to Hawaii

There was definitely some low moments, but in all honesty it wasn't bad. We were in Paradise for 8 days and not worrying about diets or how many drinks we consumed. It was a trip of a lifetime and I won't ever forget it! Mahalo, Hawaii. Thanks mom and dad! 

Untitled (because I don't know how else to name this post)

*This post is not for pitty or for people to feel bad. I am simply journaling/venting and talking about my journey of Depression over the past 8 months. Plus its a super long post so if you just want to skip-a-dee-do-da to the next post, go for it.

During my pregnancy with Boston I was always planning on looking out for signs of Post Partum Depression because I didn't want to suffer from it and I know its a very REAL thing. My sister struggled with it with her second. Our family has a history of Depression, plus I already struggled with bouts of anxiety since I was a tween. So I definitely wasn't being ignorant about this.

When I gave birth I was on cloud nine. I didn't hate my baby. Didn't have thoughts of suicide. I didn't feel like I had any signs or symptoms of Post Partum. Fast forward to 3 months later. Life was finally starting to calm down. I was getting used to two kids, a newborn, my new body, and all the ups and downs this new adventure brought. I was Snap Chatting my friend and asked her if at this point after her baby if she was still feeling exhausted. Sure, babies sometimes don't sleep and newborns are hard. But Boston was sleeping through the night by 6 weeks, I was pretty much not nursing anymore. But I would still need 1-2 naps per day just to function. And even when I wasn't napping I had no drive to do ANYTHING.

We had Boston's baby blessing and the following week events started to happen. His blessing was the last BIG thing we had to do since he was born. I was exhausted. I was extremely impatient with my three year old. Jake and my's relationship has seen better days. But honestly I thought this was "normal" considering this huge life change. Until one night Jake and I we're fighting, over something SO stupid (isn't that always the case?) and I lost it on him. (BEFORE you read this next sentence please don't judge me. I literally was NOT in my right mind)I started screaming, yelling, and crying. I was putting Ashton to sleep and he told me to leave the room because I wasn't being safe with the kids. Well I lost it, I started slapping Jake repeatedly and he was just trying to calm me down, and make sure Ashton was safe. Poor guy, Jake is going straight to heaven.

After this moment I went on the couch and sobbed. I knew instantly that something was wrong with me but I couldn't control it. Jake came out and bless his heart was still as sweet as can be even though his wife was a total psycho. I explained to him that I wasn't okay. I felt like I was losing my mind and I was spiraling down ward with no control. He asked if I wanted to see the Dr. I told him I would think about it. The next night I went to Bunco and I was sitting at a table with my sister who struggles with chronic depression, and a friend who also has in the past struggled with depression. I figured they would be the most perfect people in the world to talk to and they would understand. So I asked my sister "Can you get PPD a few months after you have a baby?" she said "Definitely you can get it up to a year after or something like that, why do you think you have it?" Once again I started sobbing. Explained everything, her and my friend both HIGHLY encouraged me to call my Dr ASAP.

The next day I did just that. They got me in a week later, and surprise surprise I had PPD. I started a medication to help me and within 4 days started seeing a HUGE difference in my life. I wanted to cry tears of joy. I felt almost normal again. Sure I would have a crappy day here and there but that's normal. I could actually function again.

*Side note- I was silly to think that PPD only happened right after you had the baby. That the only symptoms were sadness, not wanting to hold your baby, or wanting to hurt yourself. I was extremely naive about it before. My symptoms were: extreme fatigue, extreme Highs, extreme lows, extremely emotional, no sex drive like at all, and there were times when yes I didn't want to hold my baby not because of anything except for the fact that I just couldn't will myself to make the effort. So it was the most happy day when I found something that made my body feel so much better.

When the Dr and I we're discussing medication and all that Jazz, I asked how long I would be on the prescription. She explained that we would reevaluate when Boston turned 6 months, thats usually the turning point for most women. But she cautioned me that sometimes this is something that could be long term. What sometimes happens is women have had depression before having a baby but they were able to handle it but once they have a baby and add a new and big stress in their lives it triggers that depression. So I kept all this in mind.

Fast forward to Boston turning six months I knew I needed to make an appt and reevaluate with the Dr. But I thought I would be fine, just to go off the medication and see how I do on my own. So "Cold Turkey". Didn't notice much the first day and not to much the second day, but day three, I woke up and felt exactly how I did after having Boston. It took me till late afternoon that day to realize I was being a complete psycho again. So back on the meds. But it made me mad. Why wasn't I getting better? Why wasn't this going away. The reality set in that this might be something I deal with on a regular basis and that's a hard pill to swallow. I knew I needed to get back and see the Dr and talk options but it was around Christmas time and my sister in law was getting married. So I decided to wait till after Hawaii, to go see my family Dr.

Now Boston is a little over 8 months, and we went to Hawaii. The week we were in Hawaii, I was super flakey with my meds. When we got home three days ago I stopped taking it again thinking once again I didn't need it. Then yesterday hit and it was the same old song and dance. Why do I do this to myself? When am I going to learn?

I think I am writing this post so I can accept the fact that this might be chronic depression. And that's been hard for me to accept. I don't want to take a pill to make me happy. I want to just BE. I don't like the hard days cause they are just that HARD. I don't know what my plan is and I have yet to go see my Dr. ( I know, I know I'm going to call him promise) but for now I will just continue on this little journey and try to accept the things I can't change. Xoxo

Christmas 2015

I swore to myself before I had children that I would NEVER neglect my blog. Then Ashton came along and I slowed down a bit I wasn't posting once a week like I had in the past but still kept up with it pretty consistenly. But now I had Boston and so many crazy things have happened since having two children. And guess what happened? My blog got neglected. Hence 3 posts in one night.

Anyways... Where in the world do I begin with Christmas? It was Phenomenal. We celebrated with Jake's family the Sunday before Christmas, his brother is a flight attendant and that's when he would be in town. We had our Christmas dinner tradition of Hawaiian Haystacks. Which are bomb. Then we all did our sibling gift exchange. Jake got from his brother this candy vending machine for Jake to have at work! Then my future brother in law to be gave me one of those White Willow figurines. Its a mother with two sons, yep I cried. Cause I am a boob baby like that.

Christmas Eve Day

On Christmas Eve, it was spent with my family. We did appetizers. So wings, Pulled pork nachos, desserts, chips and queso. Ya know, the works! My parents started the night out wuth a slide show. It started with saying we are taking you guys on a trip, the next said with beaches, and sunshine, and then they told us they booked, paid for our flights, and our trip to...MAUI, HAWAII! 

No kids. 7 FULL days. Our own condo. Our own rooms. Beach. Sun. Heaven on Earth. And at the beginning of February! SO soon!

Then the next best part...yes there is more. My parents when they have us over for Christmas Eve do Deal or no Deal. Well this year Jake and I picked the box with the most cash $500! It wasw the funniest Deal or No Deal game ever. Jake was freaking out and wanted to take the deal but I was CERTAIN we had the $500. Luckily he listened to me cause we won it!

That night just our little family spent the night at my parents so we could do Christmas morning with my parents and brother.We laid out cookies for Santa, poured Reindeer Food in the snow and went to bed in our new Christmas Jammies.

We woke up to our stockings and the boys got gifts from Santa. Ashton got a Car Mat with cars and Boston got his stuffed animal and a toy that crawls. Jake fixed my wedding ring that has needed some serious help and got me some new clothes, and some gym clothes. Jake got a new basketball hoop which has been his lifelong dream.

It was definitely a Christmas to remember and what made it even better was how much snow we got. The most perfect White Christmas.

Boston at 7 months

7 Months

16 lbs. 36 oz. 26.5 Inches

LOVES: He loves loves loves water. He always watches when we drink and opens his mouth. For Christmas he got this stuffed elephant and whenever I show it to him he gets the biggest grin. His favorite food right now is carrots and apples.

HATES: Getting dressed. Cries and wiggles everytime. Part of that is EVERY time we slip a shirt over his head it gets stuck cause he has a big ol head. hah. When i pick at his eye boogies or nose boogies.

FAVORITES: Every time I call out "biggity" he gets a smile from ear to ear. He loves hearing my voice. No matter who is holding him, if he hears my voice he will turn his head till he finds me. He recently learned how to jump in his exersaucer and he thinks its the greatest thing. He loves that thing and its been heaven sent for this momma.

MILESTONES: He officially learned how to roll back and forth. So his new form of transportation is rolling. I will lay him on the ground with a toy and come back to find him across the room...this is just the beginning. He sprouted two new teeth. Teething wasn't THAT awful with him. But once he got his teeth in it was like I got my happy baby back.

CLOTHES: 6-9 and 9-12. 

DIAPERS: Size 3 was a little big for awhile but we stopped having leaks. 

MOMMY LOVES: When I go to get him out of the crib from nap time he always greets me with the biggest smile. When I walk past a mirror and he sees himself he smiles. 

ALIASES: Bos, Biggity, and my father in law started calling him Frosty Bosty for whatever reason.

RANDOM: He got a cold, then pink eye, and then another cold. Which then lead to an ear infection and the worst three days we have ever had with Boston. He screamed this deep sad cry for practically three days AND nights. I felt awful for him cause I knew he was miserable. After 48 on his antibiotics we finally saw our baby back to normal!

Christmas Mini Sessions