An Eeyore kind of day

I have this dream. The same dream I've had since 7th grade.
All I have wanted to be since I can remember was a Nurse. I wanted to be the one who actually cares for their patients and enjoys their job. I was even more positive about this fact when my nephew passed away and I saw nurses help my sister and husband. When I took my CNA course I loved all that I learned. Even now working as a CNA, everyday I go into work I remember why I am attempting this dream.

I have this dream. It's a little harder to reach than I thought. I had plans originally to go to UVU and get into their nursing program. Those dreams were shattered when I failed my first semester of college. I decided to find a different route. That route was Provo College. I looked into the possibilities. It wasn't until I had a friend that loved the program and told me how great it was that I was convinced on going their. Finally, my dreams were becoming a reality.

I found out all the pre-requisites I needed for their nursing program. There was a downside by doing my nursing through them I would be paying a whopping total of $50,000 dollars for nursing school. But than I found if I did all my pre-req's at UVU I would be paying much less.

So these 7 months I was getting in majority of my classes done to go to Provo. The game plan was to take Anatomy, and Physiology in January at Provo College. Than summer semester take Chemistry at Provo and Math at UVU. During the summer I could apply to the nursing program and get accepted in for August and graduate with my nursing degree December 2013. I just had to take a CPAT test which assessed my reading, literacy, and math comprehension.

CPAT= HELL


In order for Provo to accept me I had to pass the CPAT with a score of 160 and I had 3 chances. First time I scored a 159... let me repeat that a 159. She explained that I did great on the reading and literacy it was just the math that I really struggled with (story of my life). I had to wait 24 hrs before I could take the test again. So the next week I went in and took it once again. I got a 150. I was so close to passing I could taste it. But this time was a little more discouraging. I had to wait 30 days and I went home crying. But my spirits weren't shot yet.

Today I went to Provo to take the test for the THIRD time. I was very stressed and worried. I even had Jake and my dad give me a blessing. I said a bajillion prayers. I finished up and was extremely worried cause I barely got through the math section and had to guess on a lot. Sure enough my score ended up being 156.

I have felt like Eeyore all day. I can't stop bawling and I feel worthless. I seriously feel so stupid and not up to par. My dream is sitting there right in front of me and I can taste it, yet my abilities aren't good enough. I honestly do believe and know it to be true, that things are supposed to happen for a reason. But I don't understand this one. I keep trying to see the big picture but its not easy. I know my Heavenly Father has a plan for me but I can't figure out what it is. I don't know how to pickup and move on. I certainly don't know where to go from here.

For now, I'm trying not to think about it so I can enjoy my New Years weekend. I am thinking of possibilies to do. I have plans to Nanny for my friend on the day I would have been going to school. I may also retake some classes to get better grades in or do more math classes. But for now I am at a loss. I am going out with the hubb's and going to try to make this Eeyore kind of day, much better. Wish me luck!

*Ideas or thoughts are greatly appreciated!