When Jake and I got married, obviously the happiest day of my life. Than we got home and reality set in. I wasn't hating life, I just didn't know how to cook or clean or do anything really domestic. So we got over that hurtle and over time, I was happy. Than the longer we were married, a few more things came up that we disagreed upon. Obviously this is our first year of marriage, definitely some getting used to! After about 6 months I noticed there were some problems, but I thought this is marriage and this is life. But I did in a sense feel kinda trapped and unhappy. But I was so scared and worried. I was scared cause I didn't want to feel this way. Even though a lot of people told me I was too young and too naive and I was going into this too fast, I didn't want to prove them right! We also hadn't dated that long and I didn't want to tell people this guy I married was slightly different from the one I married. But I pushed on. It wasn't until my sister pulled me aside and told me that I wasn't being the same old Jenessa she knew and that I didn't look happy. I just let it all out. I knew I wasn't happy and there was a significant problem.
There was a lot going on in my life, and I finally went and told Jake how I felt. For some time we worked on things and it got better for some time. Than it would go back. Well, as time has gone on, it's been a bumpy road, but it was getting better. We had approached our one year anniversary, and I knew a lot of the problems we had were because of our first year. But deep down there were still a few minor problems that wouldn't resolve themselves. One night in February I was talking to my mom and sisters and expressed to them what I was feeling. But, it was hard, cause I was there sister and daughter and they couldn't not be in a biased situation. A few of them suggested Therapy. I instantly thought, that sounds silly. We have only been married one year and our problems weren't that crucial.
A couple months passed and I found myself in the same situation, only worse. This time whenever we would bring up the topics of our major/minor problems, it would lead to tears and no understanding or communication. I finally on a whim suggested Therapy. Jake wasn't having it. He of course thought of it in the negative sense. Therapy is such a taboo thing and it's only for people that are in deep doo-doo. A couple weeks passed, and I would bring it up even when we were in good moods instead of bad. I think by this point he knew I was serious. He asked why? I just told him I want a way to get over these things and communicate them to you so that we each can understand. He was sold.
On Tuesday, it will be our 4th session. I must say this has been such a HUGE blessing on our lives. Even after walking away from our first session we were already taking things that we needed to apply to our marriages right than! We have grown so much, in our marriage, and can actually talk like adults now. I feel like our marriage is so healthy and so happy. I have grown personally, and I have fixed some broken relationships I have outside of marriage. I almost have a testimony basically on Therapy. I think honestly any marriage can benefit. Even if you don't have serious issues. I love it! If you still think of it as a silly thing, your missing out!
This message is approved by: Jenessa!
Good for you! I hate that therapy has a negative connotation. I have never been but we have many books and books on tape about marriage. Most of them are LDS counselors. It's been so good to listen to them.
ReplyDeleteMy friend was a social worker and she said that she made her fiance go with her to therapy before they were married. She said she wishes every couple would go to therapy at least once.
Marriage is hard work! It doesn't come easy and anyone who tells you otherwise is lying. I'm proud of you and hope that you both continue to grow and learn. You'll have to give me some advice now :)
Jenessa, I love that you just let it out and don't give a crapt what anyone else thinks, I so admire you!! I think you are so mature in saying, hey, we have some problems and we need help fixing them. how many more marriages would survive if more couples thought this way? I think you and jake are awesome. And there are manymanymanymany days I wish me and kaleb would have gone to therapy a long time ago! :) luvya!
ReplyDeleteThis is so great! Thanks for posting it. I'm so glad you guys are willing to fix your issues and realize that being married isn't something that works itself out, but that it's two people working at it every day. There is no one in the world you get along with 100% of the time, so any marriage will run into these issues. Again, thanks for posting this. It was fantastic!
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