The two week wait

On Tuesday I went in for my ultrasound to determine how my follicles were and if they were functioning normally enough to burst and release an egg. I didn't realize at first thing was going to be a vaginal ultrasound but luckily that morning I text my friend who had to go through this and she confirmed my fears. As much as those people have seen my "whoo ha" I will never get over the invasion. Anyways... what their looking for is 1-2 follicles that are the size of 2 cm by the time you ovulate. I went in 3 days before I am technically supposed to ovulate and I had a few in there but I had 2 really good ones. They each were right on track with how they should measure and grow by the time I ovulate. So I was happy. I'm normal! It's funny/annoying cause every time I go in for an appointment and I am not pregnant, they always ask if my husbands been tested. And every time I tell them "Yes, he was normal." They respond with "well your just the perfect candidate for getting pregnant." Really? That's awesome! Then why isn't it happening? But honestly that does make me grateful, cause I don't have any major problems thus far. And I knew going into this that there was 40% chance its me, 40% its Jake, and a 20% there is no reason. I believe cause its god's will. Its just not easy giving in to it :)
So today, I went in and they injected into my stomach some good ol' HCG. The nurse than said "Now go home and have LOTS of sex for the next 24-48 hrs. But don't take a pregnancy test for the next two weeks or you will get a false positive." So its exciting that are chances are a little more increased this month!

As of right this moment, I feel pretty good. Compared to last 3 months I feel like I'm soaring! I have been trying not to think about it, or stress about it, and just go with the flow. Some moments its really hard not to. But after we started round 3 of chlomid, I decided I didn't think I could take much more of this medication. I started to think in my head that I wanted to take a little "trying to get pregnant vacation". I was nervous to tell Jake cause he is the one who wants to shoot for a baby by a certain age. But I brought up my thoughts to him and he completely agreed. I am sure this is taking a toll on him just as much as me! Poor guy! So after this month if our Eggo is not preggo we are taking a vacation. Literally and figuratively. I keep going back and forth with this decision but its like 80% a good idea and 20% I feel like I am giving up too soon. But with Christmas around the corner, a cruise, and just life in general I think it would be good! And who knows they say when you stop stressing it happens! But we will pick up the peices again in February or later. For now, we have a two week wait till Aunt Flo comes and gives us news!

Wait..Thanksgiving already happened?

This year for Thanksgiving I worked. LAME!! But I was okay with it at first cause that meant I wouldn't have to work any other holidays. So I accepted it. Plus I was excited with who I got to work with! But as the day got closer and closer I was sad I wasn't going to be home for Thanksgiving. I bought some delicious pies from Kneaders! I sent Jake with two and took one to work! They were definitely a hit.

That day I went in and I worked with my good friend Jenna, and than my friend Summer was a PCT. So I had good people all around me. The hospital was also nice enough to provide us with a Thanksgiving meal that was free. 

Finally my shift came to an end and I was STOKED to get home to my family and enjoy some Thanksgiving time with them. But I walked in the door later than expected and my mom and sisters were ready to go Black Friday shopping. I wasn't that hungry so I changed and we were off! Later on I was really bummed that I didn't enjoy my thanksgiving as much as I wanted. I kept telling Jake, I felt like I skipped over Thanksgiving this year :( I am pretty sad about it. 

Any who, one of my favorite things after Thanksgiving is Black Friday. I love to map out where were going, what deals were going to get and how far we will go to get them. Our stops were as follows: Old Navy, from 7 to 8, Walmart from 8-10:30, my moms house for a potty break till 11. Del Taco at 11:30 along with Maverick drink stop. Kohl's from midnight till 2. Charlotte Russe from 2-3. Express from 3-3:30. Del taco again. Dropping everyone off till 4:30. I hit my head on the pillow at 5 am. It may be crazy but I love it and it is so worth it! Luckily my hubbie let me sleep in till 12 pm the next day. ha

HCG round 2?

Just kidding I am NOT doing the HCG diet... like ever again! But I do however have to take the drug HCG again. I was really hoping this wouldn't be the case. But lo and behold this is where we are at. Now let me back up and explain the last week or so.

I always hate the after effects of Chlomid. But this time I felt MUCH better than I did last round. And I thought hey I can handle this. about 9 days before I started my period I was feeling super depressed. Now I am not sure if this was chlomid or just something I am going through ( I really think it is Chlomid cause I am a ball full of hormones) I literally didn't want to wake up or be around people or even do anything. I didn't have a drive to do much at all. So last month it was the anxiety and hot flashes this month its been the mood swings that are killer. So it was a Thurs. I was in class when my sister text me and said they were all going on a girls trip the weekend after Thanksgiving. (Side note: I hate being/feeling left out of something. Even if its not intentional I try my hardest to not be) Well I work the entire weekend after thanksgiving so I was for sure not going. So I just started crying in class. Normally I would be uber bummed, but I was like hysterical and just wanted to cry and listen to depressing music hahaha!
Fast forward to Tues. I was having a good day, that night my sister was hosting a party at Bohme and I wanted to support her, so my sister Jamie and I drove together. On the way home we started talking about baby business. By the time I dropped her off we left it with "I will pray for you that it happens". On my drive home I just cried and cried hysterical. I started praying/talking with God and asking him for what seems a miracle. I composed myself before I got home and told myself everything was going to be okay. The next day, I worked all day, got home did homework you know the same routine. I came downstairs and my sink was full of dishes. Which normally is fine, I just got so angry and started scrubbing them and was so mad that Jake didn't do them even though he was supposed to. I ended up hysterically crying again. After it came down to it, Jake got out of me that I was pissed with things in life and that nothing was working out. My sweet husband held me and rubbed my back till I couldn't cry anymore. We went to bed and moved on. The next morning I woke up and was having a really rough morning. I text Jake and told him about it, the sweet man of mine decided to take some of my stresses away by taking me to Texas Roadhouse for dinner.

Everything was all honkey dori, but than we came home and started talking about kids and the future and how it would all happen and I started hysterically crying again! This time was uncontrollable. I called my sister since Jake was asleep and she is always my listening ear. I just couldn't take the burden and pain anymore of this trial. I couldn't take another period. I couldn't take the pain. I couldn't take another round of chlomid. I just felt done. After talking for a long time and finding some comfort in her words I went to bed. I woke up and it was Friday the day I was supposed to start my period. I was happier. That day was the first day I felt okay. We went through the day with no problems or a period. I felt a little glimmer of something. The next day, I woke up to a knock on my door. It was a flourist. My 3 sisters all chipped in together and got me flowers to let me know they were there for me. I felt so much love at that very moment. I knew everything was going to be okay.
 Unfortunately that I started :( it wasn't until 4 that night which was a bummer. But I just didn't want to think about it. I still feel like I am going through the motions.

Today I had to go to the Dr's to get another dose of Chlomid and decide if I needed to take HCG to help me get pregnant. I went in and got violated. Than we decided that it would be best if I did the chlomid along with the HCG. Well after dropping $212 on a chlomid and HCG prescription I am ready for 3rd round of Chlomid and HCG. On tuesday I will go in and get an ultrasound. The ultrasound will look at my ovarian follicle to see if they are functioning normally. What is an ovarian follicle you ask? It is a cell structure that helps the eggs that go into ovulation become mature. It just is another thing that aids in getting pregnant. The eggs start our immature and the follicles help it become mature so it can implant. The HCG will help this along if there is a problem. So till Tuesday I don't know!

Honestly though even though this past week has been the hardest week of my trial, I also haven't felt more blessed and loved in my life. I got numerous texts from friends concerned with my well being. My husband was a solid rock through the whole thing and tried to make it as easy as possible. My sisters all gave me such a sweet gift. I really can't say thank you enough to everyone who cares about me and loves me!

How we do Christmas

As I said earlier Christmas is my favorite holiday out there! I start decorating November first and I seem to buy up until the actual day, whether it's presents or decorations. This year was no different. I am still buying cause it's a serious sickness I have. But I kid you not I want a house that during Christmas time you walk in and think WOAH! It's Christmas! Think what you will of that! So I will share what Christmas has already brought this year in addition from last year.

These were all purchases this year, ^^ well the tree is just decorated purchases. 

Ever since I was a little girl I wanted to have homemade stockings with our name on them. Well last year was mine and Jake's first Christmas as a married couple and I didn't think I could ever do it so it never happened. Well a couple of weeks ago I was at work and I saw one of our Pharmacists sewing a stocking and she showed me everything and explained it all to me and told me how easy it was. Well I ordered the kits and got really excited!! But after cutting out over a hundred pieces and seeing over 200 sequins on just one stocking I got a little disheartened. But I pushed through (mostly cause Jake would be PISSED if I wasted money on these) after I got the hang of it, it isn't that bad. Just time consuming. But I know I will be so happy once they are done! Pictures to come!!

I saw this present stacking idea on pinterest that was adorable. So when I found Hobby Lobby had boxes in every different size I was thrilled. I did mine a little different but I am in complete LOVE with how mine turned out! I also love my little "Holly Jolly" sign! 

This is my advent calendar I made last year and my cute little "tree saying"

My "Joy" turned out so cute! even though people keep asking why we had just a J and a Y. They didn't get it. But I DO! and thats all that matters ;)

This is one of my favorites this year!! My wrapped mirror and candy cane candles. I was going to go a different route and take the mirror down completely but I am SO glad I did this instead. Its just fun and so easy. Plus I want to show off my darling ribbon!

I love Christmas! 

And I'm {Thankful}

Since I decorate for Thanksgiving Christmas on Nov 1st. people freak out and say I forget all about Thanksgiving. But to me Thanksgiving is all wrapped into Christmas, and I don't need a holiday to be thankful for the wonderful blessings in my life. But I will tell you 22 things I am thankful for (since there are 22 days of thanksgiving this month).

1. Obviously, my one and only Jakey! I am so onery, hormonal, and emotional already but then add in some more hormones and I'm just a ball of fun. Yet, this man still likes loves me. And tells me everyday. I start to think about my life without him and I have to stop cause it just isn't possible.
2. The gospel. Woah! Even just thinking about this one lately and my savior gets me all teary. I can't express how grateful I am to have a testimony and to be living it!
3. My family. They are the ones that I can always count on and love!
4. My beautiful home. Sometimes I take for granted how lucky I am to start out in a marriage in a HOME! and it's spacious and beautiful and a place to call our own
5. My job. I am glad neither Jake nor I are jobless right now. Plus, my husband literally is in LOVE with his job and its the thing he talks about most. And if I had to stop working (heaven forbid) we would be just fine just on his income and that brings comfort to the both of us.
6. The health of me and loved ones. Knock on wood, no one in my family or friends is suffering from an illness or dying or having anything majorly wrong with their health. That's something I need to be thankful for everyday.
7. My cute car. I love her. Enough to put her on my list of thankfulness
8. Modern day medicine and doctors. With everything going on I am happy there are people out there that know what they are doing
9. My talents. The ones I do have now, are such a blessing in my life, and the ones I will someday possess.
10. My friendships. When I just need a moment to break away from my husband I have many I can call and rely on.
11. SLCC. I know that's so dumb. But I have not had a SINGLE bad thing to say about this place, it is the only school that I honestly feel could help me with my dream to become a Nurse.
12. The weather. I love the cold and snow, plus I am grateful to live in Utah were we don't suffer from Hurricanes or tsunamis. I can't imagine what they are going through.
13. The priesthood, I love the fact that I can call upon my husband at any moment for a blessing
14. The holiday season, it makes me all warm and happy inside than normal
15. (Also something silly to be grateful for) Technology. Now that I have an iphone my life is 10x easier
16. Amazon.com hahaha my favorite online place ever
17. Grateful for Vampire Diaries...
18. Grateful for food. We can afford it and enjoy going out, which seems silly but is a big deal
19. The clothes in my closet. Not only that I have it, but somedays it boosts my confidence
20. The temple, that literally I could go to at the drop of a hat.
21. The scriptures. Nuff said
22. Everything else in my life I forgot to mention

Also, here are pictures from Halloween: