That's how I am feeling as of late. Completely and utterly incompetent. Since I got Ash, things have changed in every which way. But obviously for the better. I caught on to the mom thing pretty easy and I love it. That's not the problem here. Oh no. The problem is everything else in my life that I was okay at before now I just suck ass.
For example. Cleaning. Okay, let me take you back to growing up. My mom is a very clean person. She had us cleaning every Saturday and she kept the house pretty tidy. Even when she worked full time. She would come home after working all day and start vacuuming. You would think that because she was SO good at it, that I would be good or even decent. Uhm, no. Quite the opposite. Our Bedroom, is rarely clean. If and when it is, it lasts, about 2 days. I hate cleaning. I hate it. And over time I have grown to accept it as my duty. Especially since I am home a lot more than Jake. (Not that he is innocent here) So now lets back up to the first two years of mine and Jake's marriage. I was decent at it. Never great. But usually our main was kept decently clean. I made sure to for sure deep clean at least once a month. But now, now if I clean something, Ashton destroys it. So I just stopped cleaning. Now my house is ALWAYS a pigsty. I care, but not enough to clean it every twelve hours.
Now cooking. Uhm, yeah I hate cooking more than anything. I think I hate it more than cleaning. So thats the image you have of it before. I did it, but only sometimes. Now, we eat the same meals over and over. Or we just go out to eat. This is something that I sincerely get upset about. I wish I was better. I wish I tried new things, or enjoyed it a little. But no matter what, I hate it. HATE it!
Laundry. Eff laundry. hahah who needs clean clothes? Before Laundry was done and we didn't suffer too much. Sometimes all my baskets were full. But now. Now my entire laundry room is full with clothes and my entire hallway by my laundry room is full with clothes. There is no end to the madness, and we're screwed.
Basically I'm writing this to see, if I am the only mother out there, where her home making skills are shit? Cause I hate feeling this way. I want to be the best mom, and wife I can and I feel like I am less than sub par. I can't find a solution or answer, so I wallow in self pity!
On the bright side. I told Jake I feel like I am always playing and doing things with/for Ashton, so I feel like I am being a great mom to him, so everything else suffers. But at least that's what's important, right? RIGHT?
Yup I'm blog stalking again, lol. I really enjoy reading yours so I hope you do not mind. Anywho...
ReplyDeleteSo I feel like looking at my marriage there are the BK and AK (before kids and after kids) periods of time.
I have always been kind of clean freak and BK I would have the house super clean every single day. The only exception was maybe the hubby's office where I would let him be a little messy as long as there was nothing on the floor. I would do deep cleaning every week and my house was perfect.
I didn't love cooking but I did find it fun every once in awhile and I would explore with this and that and my hubby loved it. Heck he would even help out and we had fun.
And as for laundry BK I was always on top of it and rarely my hubby did it unless I asked for help but I usually wouldn't cause I could stay on top of it so well. I would go down one day throw the clothes in, maybe do two loads (whites and darks) and be done.
Well now that we have two amazing and beautiful kids and I wouldn't trade for the world...the home-making parts of me and fallen WAY down.
I still really love a clean house but with a 2-year old and a 5-month old (not that the 5-month old really does much to make it dirty) but it is near impossible to keep clean. I feel like I am cleaning up mess after mess and my only relief is when they are both asleep and I can do a quick run through the house. What is even harder is trying to do a deep clean. I feel like I have to have someone watch my kids so I can clean but when the time comes that someone can watch my kids the last thing I want to do is clean, lol.
As for cooking I feel like it's such a struggle to think of new and tasty dishes. I think what makes it harder is that I work full-time so by the time I come home after a long day I really don't want to think about cooking.
And finally laundry. It takes DAYS to do laundry sometimes but that is mostly cause I am lazy. My hubby is amazing though and has kind of taken it upon himself to do the laundry while I try to help as much as possible. But ya we got loads of laundry all over the place.
So though sometimes I wish for the simplicity and cleanliness and organization of my life BK all it takes is one cuddle with my daughter or one laugh from my son and I know that my life AK is about a thousand times better.
You probably didn't want the novel but just wanted to let you know you are not alone :)
Jenessa yesterday I told Shane I was going to call Merry Maids and have them come and give me a reset. It is so overwhelming to me to keep up when I don't know where to even start. I feel like I do a much better job of keeping it clean. Well when Shane found out it was 150 dollars for 2 hours of Merry Maids deep cleaning he went to work....and Ta Da I got my reset clean house for free!! Worked like a charm :)
ReplyDeleteI am with you 100%! You get to the point where you realize that cleaning and cooking isn't what makes you a great wife and mother.i promise Ashton is much happier with you playing with him then cleaning. And take it from me, some day you will have plenty of time to clean your house. :) it's all about your phase of life. Luvya ness!
ReplyDeleteJenessa,
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, your perspective of how it was when you grew up is delusional. Since you were the baby and came much later than myself.... I will set things straight. For instance- true, mom did like things cleaned. But "deep cleaned". Our house growing up was frequently a mess. Of course, mom worked her tail off and did her best. But let's be honest- any woman working FULL time out of the home with 5 children will most definitely have a messy house. Sure, Saturdays were the dreaded day of cleaning (For us OLDER siblings!) and the house was super clean on Saturdays. But that was it.
The reason I'm saying this is b/c our mother did the best she could. All. The. Time. Just like most mothers. However, she also was realistic and had to work all the time. Sure, us kids had the responsibility of cleaning after school and such. But she did the best she could. And now her house is always clean. Why? Bc she is out of that stage of life.
So I too, remind myself that this is just a phase of life and it will pass. I for one, would much rather my kids remember me as the mom who had time to play, vs. the mom who would just always clean.
Don't worry, you're doing great!